margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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