i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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