smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
