'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
