hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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