This girl is more easily done than said...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
