I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We're too hungover to prance.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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