hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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