im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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