dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
