exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
