Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
