yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Randomize
