She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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