What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
