I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
