Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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