yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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