Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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