Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
