A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Farmville is her only friend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
