i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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