My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
