Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i out mim tonsoeep
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
