i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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