I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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