Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
