the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Two words: nipple clamps
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