apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
