Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
