Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
