Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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