I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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