Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
