According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
