break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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