i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
