I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
