I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
