i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to have your abortion
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
