So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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