So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
