I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
