i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's the barista slut.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
