I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
