its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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