That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
