just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
