whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Randomize
