i don't like sucking hair
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
