i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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