Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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