first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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