update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
