the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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