Betty ford says i'm here all night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
