Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
