For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
